It is nice to know that people are thinking about you.

I had two unexpected phone calls yesterday. Well, I had more than two calls, but these two were just what I needed to perk me up. I have been feeling a tad 'down' lately, for a number of possible reasons. I guess first and foremost, Ken's health is at the back of my mind constantly, even though he himself is outwardly enjoying his vacation. Over the weekend he was busy transferring our old videos to DVD on one of his new-fangled machines. Yesterday, he weeded the whole of our front yard yesterday - a BIG job - and it looks great.(But he was exhausted afterwards). Today he collected his laptop from the shop where it has been since Friday, having an upgrade in memory, and happily played with it tonight. So, for him, life is going on regardless. Oh, I know that next week's appointment with the cardiologist is at the back of his mind like it is on mine, but he isn't letting it get him down. But I can't help myself. My blood pressure is still too high, despite doubling the medication. I have lost interest in people and activities that I was previously actively involved in, and I am tired, oh so tired. I haven't had a holiday for five years. I am not including weekends away this year - I mean WEEKS away. When I retired from full time work 6 years ago, I vowed never to go back to full time work, and my job at the moment is 3 days a week. I thought I would not need to take time off, seeing I am only working part time. But perhaps I do need some time off.

The two phone calls that I mentioned were from volunteer co-ordinators of the two organisations I was so active with just a few months ago. One of these girls works fulltime for two aged care facilities, as the volunteer co-ordinator. Her family - husband and two children - are all in poor health, so she is the carer for them as well. But she is unfailingly cheerful to all. She likes to do cross stitch when she has a spare moment, and when she discovered that was one of my interests, she made a point of asking me what I was working on, every time we were in contact. She told me she is going away with a girlfriend for a week - just the two of them. She needs a break, she said. When I told her how I was feeling lately, she said 'You need a break too. You work with needy people, you volunteer with needy people, and you have a needy husband. You may think you are coping, but it will wear you down eventually, and you must get away now and then to recharge your batteries'. I said 'How can I walk away from Ken right now? He would feel as if I have deserted him in his hour of need', and she replied 'If you don't, you will end up in hospital yourself, and he will be even worse off'.

The other phone call was from my Do Care co-ordinator, and when I told her about the previous conversation, she was in total agreement. She has been puzzled and quite concerned at the change in me, from an enthusiastic volunteer who loved taking my group of ladies out every month and more besides, to suddenly dropping away and disbanding the group altogether.

I have another appointment with my doctor tomorrow...actually today - it is 2.15 am as I type (Probably another reason I am so tired - too much time spent on this darn computer!) If she also says that I need a holiday, I might go to a friend's house down by the beach, take some stitching, and see if I can repair my soul. And I won't be near a computer, so if this takes place, I will leave a message on here so my Blog friends will know what is happening. Having said that, I am not counting chickens...I just can't imagine myself walking away from people that need me. I keep telling myself nobody is indispensable; the cemeteries are full of people who wore themselves out trying to prove otherwise. But, apart from running away from my first husband, I have never run anywhere, and think it is too late to start running now.